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Primitive Spongebob Spongegar Closer To Death Birthday Card (PLAYS SOUND)


$ 15.00
Quantity

Size: 7 inches x 5 inches

Sound: "*BIRTHDAY HORN* SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAKE! HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! PIN THE TAIL ON THE SEAHORSE. HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"


 

 

Future Delivery Date:

Think this card is perfect for someone in the coming future? Right card, wrong time?

 

By picking "Choose a Future Delivery Date" you can specify the date you need it by and we'll get it to that person on the week of the date selected.

 

Domestic (USA) orders are shipped a week before the chosen date. International (outside USA) orders are shipped a month before the chosen date.

You'll get an email once it's shipped.

 

With a Handwritten Message:

Have really bad handwriting? Dog ate all your pens and pencils? We got you.

 

We'll use our blood as ink to create an authentic experience. Jk we'll break out the feather and ink just for you.

 

Handmade in NYC

 

We Ship Worldwide!

Domestic Delivery

1 - 5 days

 

International Delivery

2 - 3 weeks

 


 

Background: It may come as a surprise *gasp* that birthdays are simply ticks and tocks on the death clock. Each year passed brings us closer to that dreadful day when life comes to a close. Fortunately, we're all still alive (unless you reading this from the grave) and we still got some time left. Why not make the best of these birthdays by filling friends with anxiety about getting older and slowly dying? Only the best of friends can manage that.

SpongeGar, Caveman Spongebob and Primitive Sponge are nicknames given to Spongebob Squarepants’ prehistoric ancestors. Primitive Sponge has evolved into a meme which captures common, relatable situations that cause panic, fear or anxiety, causing you to tense up and stay alert on your toes.

Just to clear up the misconceptions, Primitive Sponge and Spongegar are different characters.

Primitive Sponge was born on December 31st, 1999, featuring long canines and wearing a loincloth on the episode “SB-129” when Squidward traveled back in time. SpongeGar was introduced later on March 5th, 2004, in the episode “Ugh”

On March 17th, 2015, Twitter user @SpongeBobGetsIt posted an image of Primitive Sponge with an image of an innocent Spongebob Squarepants with this caption: 

 

On May 16th, 2016, Redditor dickbandito submitted Primitive Sponge in a grocery store accompanied by a caption describing rushing to Walgreens to buy condoms.

On May 23rd, Redditor Derpspecops uploaded one in a bed with the caption “When you hear someone pull up while you’re jerking off.” 

The song used is "Happy Birthday Squidward" and comes from the Spongebob episode titled "Opposite Day" which aired in 1999.

Let Primitive Spongebob assist in helping loved ones realize what birthdays are ultimately leading to. At least they'll be more appreciative of life while they have it.