Refund Policy

Refund Policy:

Shipping & Delivery Times

We ship all orders within 1-2 business days from New York City. Domestic orders (in the USA) should arrive within 3-7 days and international orders (outside of the USA) are expected to arrive within 2-3 weeks but may in some cases take up to a month.

For our International homies, we literally wanted to get you the cheapest shipping price so we hired a drunk pirate on a kayak to cross the Atlantic with our orders--things are going so well we might even hire a second one.

We are unable to issue a refund if you ordered without regard to our delivery times. Here's an example: you live in Australia and order a card on the 1st of the month for your friend's birthday on the 7th. Because international shipping takes 2-3 weeks you won't receive your card on the 7th. We attempt to ensure timely shipping of orders, but we cannot issue a refund based on this. We're working on teleportation for same day delivery, but we keep ending up in some weirdo's basement where he hangs his used condoms as trophies on his wall. He tells us he couldn't let go of his kids.


Package Tracking

Once your order is shipped, you will receive an e-mail with a tracking number and a link to view the shipping status of your package. For all the Domestic homies, you'll be able to track your package up until your front door.

For the International homies, the tracking number only shows you where your package is within the United States because the USPS (United States Postal Service) doesn't allow us to track an order once it leaves the US. That's because our pirates can only use compasses, no GPS at this time. You might ask why we didn't just give them cellphones? Well, because they're drunk duh, and drunk kayaking and texting is a no no homie. Plus, our data plan can't handle it, word to #metroPCS.

One more note for International homies, If your order appears to be "stuck" in the USA (specifically in New York), this simply means that this was the date it was last scanned before leaving the country. Your order is NOT STUCK, it's actually on the way! Unless someone at the post office stuffed it down their pants to bring home to their family and share the magic of an Unwelcome Greeting. In this case, you might get your order smelling like someone's crotch.


Postal Service Issues

If there are issues with the delivery of your package on the USPS's end we'll do our best to help you get in touch with your local post office to help you resolve the issue but we are unable to give you a refund. You should probably keep your dog from biting your postman's ass in that case.


Incorrect or Invalid Shipping Addresses

We are unable to issue a refund because the shipping address entered was wrong. If our system detects an address as incorrect, we will attempt to contact you ASAP for the correct address. We'll follow up 3 times, sometimes even 4, so please check your email.

However, if the incorrect address happens to be a valid address, it will not be flagged, and your order will be shipped to that address (SO PLEASE DOUBLE CHECK YOUR SHIPPING ADDRESS). You will not be eligible for a refund, but you might feel good that SOMEONE ELSE is enjoying an Unwelcome Greeting, courtesy of you. And frankly that's doing the world an honor, you the #1 MVP.

In the case that the address is not a valid address, the card may be returned back to us. If it is returned, we'll donate it to one of our baby mamas to sell on the block. Just kidding, we will contact you for the updated address and will attempt to re-send your order--we'll cover the shipping for you because we can refund the old shipping label. However, if you no longer require the order, we will be able to issue a partial refund for the product itself, but the shipping fee will not be refunded because we gotta pay our drunken pirates.


When We Fucked Up

If you placed an order, but there is no record in our system that your order was shipped within 20 days, you are eligible for a full refund. Simply said: We fucked up. Probably because of the liquor killing our livers and drugs melting our brains.


Refunds Based On Damaged, Missing, or Incorrect Products Received

If your order arrives damaged or not working, please contact us at We will request photo or video evidence of the damage, and depending on the type of damage, we will attempt to walk you through several solutions to make it work again. We're like GeekSquad, except we're super gangsta and might make you fall in love with us. If we exhaust all options and the products are still non-working, you will be eligible for a full refund and we'll make it rain on you like you made it rain on us.

If your order is missing any items or you've received a different product than the one that you've ordered, we can either send you the right product and cover the extra shipping or we can refund your order partially or in the entirety.

PLEASE NOTE: Refunds are issued on a case by case basis. Please send us an e-mail at if you have any questions or concerns about your order, or believe you are eligible for a refund. Or just want to curse the shit out of us because there's no one else in your life to take out your stress on. And if you want to send us some love, please send it with a naked supermodel. K thanks bruh.